Monday, October 11, 2004
okie..todae i didnt turn up for sch..i was feelin uneasy last nite. so much so ta i somehow cried myself to slp. my tummi aches alot. gosh..but..i still refuses to see a doctor..coz i dun like them!! 'visiting' them in clinics often waste my time : travellin time, queuing time and not to forget, changing time. i gotta get change b4 i go out wat..lolx
as i read thru pp's blog, be it if they're linked to me, mani tots filled my mind. i began to wonder wat's e purpose of living? wat hav i been doing all these while? tinking back, i've actualli spent my time wisely, and to the fullest limit i can..coz of band commitments and everythin..but ever since i stepped down from band, i discovered myself misusing the excess time i am blessed wif. why? simple, it was due to the lack of discipline. now..as i write..i'm thinking of my 'o's revision...wat hav i been doing? other than slackin all dae long..in my heart, i'm panicking like nv b4..but, i refuses to do anithin to stop the fast beating heartbeat. oh man!!wat's wrong wif mi?? ytd nitez, i read the Bible..i realised ta God is not 'operating' in my life..i felt ta i've drifted away fm Him..yes..away..further n further like nv b4..y? wat's wif it? i questioned myself. all these lies wif mi. my attitude towards Him, my desire for Him, my obedience towards listening n obeying His words. wat hav i been doing all these while? juz felt so guilty deep in my heart..
Lord, i reali need ur strength to guide mi to higher levels. not onli in this period of time, but for the rest of my life. may i pray ta u'll take away all the distactions in my life. i realli wan to hav a close n personal relationship wif u.may i juz pray for ur guidance Lord. i realli need you. thk Lord. Amen.
ytd..i was feelin real down as i began to hav my quiet time. but, nevertheless, i still praise God for everythin. juz like wat Shannon has taught us. yes, it is a sacrifice. no one said ta it wasnt. no one said ta being a christian wld be like living a worry-free life..no one ever said ta it is easy to be a christian!! well..it is written in the bible ta God has plan for us trials n tribulations..but..wait!! they're here for a purpose..God wants to build us up for a better and more powerful future ta's coming in our way!! hold on tight gal!! jia you! i believe ta u'll be able to survive thru' tis period of crisis.. yes, indeed, after praising God, i cried out to Him..there're juz so so so so mani things in my heart. everytime, i'll juz share it wif Him..but tis time, it was diff..e atmosphere was diff..my tears juz flowed down..it juz happened..w/o mi knowing y..juz felt ta my burdens were lifted up..after my quiet time, i juz felt a sense of gladness in my heart. do not know y,but it was juz like ta. =D todae..it's going to be a new dae, i believe. so, aftr writing tis blog, i'm going to settle down n do my stuff..serious..no distraction..
-my kind of life-
