jus me with God

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

No matter how much I try to put on a smile on my face it seems that my eyes always betray me. Yes, the tiredness expressed by the dark rings surrounding my eyes just gave way. My eyes just feel extremly dry and my eyelids are heavy when night falls.

However I personally feel that things are getting better for me in general. I somehow have yet to sleep at any single lecture so far (except the Math lecture on early Monday morning). And yes, I did not drink any coffee. My secret? It is very simple, not only do I put in my best to sleep a little more, but I have also lifted up my lecture sessions intomy Father's hands. Hahs! As simple and easy as that!

I did my visitation today and great things did happen to me! I had a chat with Maria and Wendy who were with me. In my short chat, I forgotten about something very important. I did not take into deep consideration why I suddenly had so many nightmares in the afternoon nap which I took on Monday.

Yes, one of the common reasons people may give is fatigue. It is undeniable that when one is fatigue, the mind is weak and vulnerable to any thoughts that are dominated by fear and shocks. As such, there is a very high possiblity that one's mind may just go wild after going through a level of pressure.

But then again, for someone who hardly dreams, how can it be possible for her to have 3 nightmares in a row? I seldom dream because the moment I lie on my bed each time, I will fall into deep sleep. In addition, I am someone who dreams only like...twice annually? So, let alone me experiencing nightmares in my sleep.

To think further, the main reason why I am disturbed in my nap is because I forgot to pray before I napped. Another contributing factor can be that the devil is trying to scare me off from what I am doing right now! Yes, in Dialect I am learning to grow and am picking up skills to start an estate. The estate has just been opened to the church, and I am learning everything step by step. The devil may stop me, but God will continue to hold and push me on! =)

And I have one piece of great news to share with everyone! I scored 90% for my Integration Lecture test! This is not boasting!!!I would just like to share about God's goodness in my life! You see, I ended school late and had visitation the day before the lecture. The worn out me had little time to study, but one decision I chose correctly was to pray to God and asking for His wisdom! I am practically praying for the wisdom of Daniel to bestow onto me daily!

Daniel has the wisdom ten times that of normal beings! Who would not want that? I want that! And I desire after that for a good cause! I am enjoying every single bit of my life now!

Having completed my 2nd Physics Tutorial since my entry in JJC last year is the 2nd most accomplished thing that I have done this week! God is really great! And He plays a great role in helping me to achieve my resolutions this year!

Moving on!

-my kind of life-

Monday, March 27, 2006

I just woke up from the worst afternoon nap I ever had in my lifetime...

I stuggled to sleep so as to rid my headache. To my horror, I ended up starring at the ceiling and not too long after that, my imagination got so wild that I began my series of nightmares. I do feel something wrong with me whenever I sleep but I just am unable to explain that. Somehow I became tired after letting my mind go wild and slowly, I fell into sleep...

Things just did not stop when I slept. I could remember myself doing some unexpected stuff out of nowhere and dreaming of people telling me things which I just cant expect.

I recalled me and my siblings at an unknown high rise place where we said bye to one of my seconday school mates whom I was never close to. It was then late night and I remembered us taking escalators down from a very high place and as we reached the end of one of the escalators, I heard a group of people singing. And my oh my, one of them (a guy) had a very nice and powerful voice.

And all of a sudden, my focus changed and I saw Thomas, my classmate, rushing into the class scolding some awful words. And guess what he spoke? He said that he was super pissed of by Tong Loong(another classmate of mine) who ps him upon passing by a stall selling pirated VCDs. =X It just all seem so weird..Weird and weird. Yes, I got so terrified that I woke up immediately.

Seeing that my room was dark, and the songs kept playing, I thought to myself that I was gone already because the time might be 11+pm then. And yes, I am suppose to hand up a whole lot of homework tomorrow. Lols. And guess what? The time is only 830pm, and I have slept for only two hours...

I am beginning to walk in a different light of my light.. And I feel so insecured..Thoughts are beginning to flood me..

-my kind of life-

Take a close look!

Well, that is simply the mess of my table after my Chemistry SPA (in short, practical) today. For once I actually panicked. Perhaps the lack of my preparation serves as the main reason. My hands kept shaking upon using the dropper to drip 5 small little droplets of sulphuric acid. Somehow, I fumbled again and again. I misread the instructions at the beginning and was hinted by my Chemistry tutor.

And as I continued, I broke the glass rod unknowingly while trying to stir my mixture. My precipitate did not appear, but I filtered it and ended up getting another 'cherp' sound from my tutor. So I tried stirring in again by putting my small beaker of solution into a big beaker of ice water. And immediately, white precipitate appeared. =X

Immediately I filtered my precipitate. And it was at that moment do I realised that I have broke my glass rod (aka stirrer) while I tried to stir my solution to make to precipiate appear! Duhs. What a strong lady I am! Hahs

Things just went on for me and somehow my tutor came aiding me time and time again by checking on me. Wah! What great favour from man I have actualli found! Whahaha. Things went really well and I had beautiful crystals at the end of the day. On top of that, I have a rather high yield! Praise God!

Another breakthrough I had today is all thanks to the packet of hot coffee I drank in the morning straight after my Math lecture. I slept through my Math lecture in the morning. To make things worst, I have got a headache which was with me since last night. In fact, I get headaches every night without fail. The lack of sleep contributes to this pain in my head, not my school work!

Alright, I am still experiencing that now.. Arg..

Back to my main point! The breakthrough is that I stayed awake through the Physics lecture today! Yes, this is the first time I 'failed' to sleep in the Physics lecture! And that is simply because of the mighty wonders of the coffee which stopped me from dozing off. One annoying thing is that my Physics tutor actually did not wake up those sleeping beauties in my class in the midst of the lecture!!!! Yes, this is his first time, and my first time! My beloved Physics tutor, Mr Oh, never fails to wake me up in the midst of each lecture whenever I doze off. And today!! Just today!! He did not come and wake up my classmates! Lols! You guys are just so lucky! Hahs. Now I am having second thoughts to as whether I am actually a 'prominent' student to Mr Oh. =X

And off I go! :D

-my kind of life-

Sunday, March 26, 2006

I have a wonderful, amazing miracle working God!

I am simply much more amazed and marvelled at His works! Tears just kept flowing down my from my eyes whenever I heard how God has moved mightily in the lives of His children. I aspire to be the one standing on stage telling people how much God has changed me...

-my kind of life-

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Words, words and more words! Aint you getting tired of reading words? =D

I am not tired, neither am I sick of typing them out! In fact, I enjoy typing and reading words!

Once again, doing is a much more challenging task as compared to saying. I have typed so much about me gearing up for a challenging future and me going to overcome every obstacle in my life gloriously, but how much have I done so far?

Despite mentioning so much, and putting in as much effort as I am able to at this moment, I personally feel that I am prepared for only 1.00% of the upcoming events in my life!

After giving myself a reflection regarding what happened today, I nearly broke down! Oops, I mean I broke down! Though it was just a minor one, I just cannot imagine how I would be like in the future when everything starts to progress intensively.

True indeed, I no longer can depend on my own will to ensure daily survival. I definitely need God to expand my capacity. To handle every single thing on my hand seem a little impossible but all I can do now is to lift everything up in my Father's hand.

With only 24 hours a day, and 7 days a week, I have to:
-Visit elderly at their homes
-Start getting involved for POS
-Complete my schoolwork promtly
-Attend school daily (One of my top new year resolutions!)
-Get ready for Dialect service weekly
-Be prepared for Cell Group (matters)
-Study for my weekly class/lecture test
-Try my very best to spend time with my classmates after school
-Prepare Easter props for the drama team in Dialect

To man, all these seem impossible. But, I am really putting total faith into every single matter. I do not know how, but I will just believe that God will straighten the path for me. I simply enjoy every task I am involved in! If not I would not have volunteered myself for everything! Hahs. So if you are a friend of mine, keep me going on by encouraging me instead of hindering my progress! =)

My purpose of blogging such a matter is to bring to light to people how tight my schedule can actually get at times and as such, some people around me are affected. Over here, I would like to apologise to some people for not being able to spend time with them this period of time. These people are:

-Sharon: I am so sorry to have turned down your invitations again and again. But I will definitely put in my very best to spend time with you when things have settled down.

-Patricia, Xin Yu and the great class of 4E1: It seems that I have broken my promise to organise a class outing in December and March. I would like to seek for your forgiveness yea? =)

-My CG members: It seems that I have always been absent in whatever shopping/movies trips of you people! But I have given my word to spend one day out with you all on Sunday! So let's all choose a date before everything intensifies for me!

-S6. Especially to Guan Bao Ying! Despite us meeting up for less than 5 times annually, I still feel the warmth among us! Thanks infinity for everything that you all have sown in my life. And for Bao Ying, ps to reject your offers again and again! But nonetheless, you're still remembered in my heart at all times! This goes to the rest too!

-05S19-ians: It seems that I have been missing out lunchs at JP with you peeps huh? But I promise to make my presence felt over there whenever time permits! Go go go! And hey! We have all improved in the Chemistry test as compared to the previous one! Great job everyone! Let's all go towards the finishing line with all our might in unity!

-In any case I have missed out anyone, do feel free to add them in the tag because it seems a little hard for me to recall everyone at this instant! Hahs.

*Expand my capacity like never before...*

-my kind of life-

Monday, March 20, 2006

My new timetable is great! Genearally, school ends at around 2pm daily! Weeh! I am enjoying myself!!!

And yes, I am gearing up myself for a greater future! Hahs

-my kind of life-

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Great!

You readers are simply Amazing, Awesome, Incredible and Fantastic! I understand that a great load of your time will always be taken up when reading my entries because my entries are generally long! Hahs.

Just by the simple four words or more, I believe that everyone who hears that will be so pleased and confident of himself/herself! And of course, genuine words are the most precious of all.

Living in this fallen world definitely makes the spoken words of the people around us doubtous. At times you might just be wondering if your closest friend is genuine in opening up his/her life to you. People can say alot, but do they mean as much as what they've spoken? Truth lies only in the speakers, not the hearers.

Having lived on this world for a whole of 17.5 years, I find myself on the path of exploring various groups of people existing on earth.

Having entered a new phase of my life last year, I discovered myself engaging with people who were at least 50% different from my secondary school mates. I can assure you that none of the friends I have in JJ is similar in personality to my seconary school mates. Naturally, great challenges were posed to me as I set my heart to build relationships with my current classmates.

And at the same time, I have had friends who proceeded to other JCs and ploytechnics. Having heard about what they experienced in their new campus have opened me to the world. I have heard and even seen the changes people made in order to adapt to their new environment. Some good and some bad, but nonetheless, every matter that occurred within my circuation of my friends has brought to light several issues in my life.

For many things, control seems to be beyond our reach and slowly temptations start to conquer our lives whereby we start to yield to our carnal desires instead of keeping close to the moral and/or disciplined principalities that we have set/ought to have.

It takes a nobody to give in to the temporary temptations but a somebody to conquer the obstacles. You become a nobody the moment you view yourself as someone who has lost control and starts to admit defeat over issues in life. However, I believe that everyone, including a nobody, can be transformed into a somebody. Just a very simple step is required: You just have to keep focusing on your finishing line and let no distraction stop your journey the moment you walk pass the starting point.

I am sure that the devil will come up with something funny to deal with us whenever we set our hearts to accomplish a certain matter. But I can assure each and everyone of us is able to defeat the devil by every single solution that we have. A problem will not be a problem if it does not has a solution! Problem and solution/s come together! So be assured that you are able to hold the bannar of victory each time you meet with a problem!

Hey, I see you as a somebody in my life! =)

-my kind of life-

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I know that my coming days are going to be challenging... A hectic schedule is up but I am not going to be defeated by it! I am do all things gloriously with my God Who has made me more than an overcomer! Weeh!

-my kind of life-

I've learnt something today! Something that is positive and beneficial in my daily life! Yeah, I got to get in touch with the 'art' of knowing how someone's life has been changed! Weeh! This is 'chimalogy'! Hahs.

I am just so excited for my tomorrows in life! My days have never been the same since I got to know Jesus! I am part of His adventure! Go! Go! Go!!!

*People do not care about how much you know till they know how much you care!*

-my kind of life-

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

HELLO to ALL!

I am just so hyped up! My mind has start 'working'! That is simply because several thought provoking issues creeped into my ears went I met up with S6. (S6 = Sisters 6 which is a group formed by my very close friends of whom includes Bao Ying, Xiang Ying, ME, Adeline, Melissa and Cherisa.) I reckon many of you will know who these people are except for a few who have been with me through my secondary years. Hahs

I must admit that certain issues are very sensitive and controversial. My heart sank when I heard them talking about how some of our common friends are doing now. Some may have move on for a better life but it is also undeniable that some have made some careless moves that may affect their future.

Upon leaving with Adeline, we touched on those issues which were discussed earlier by S6. We agreed that people do change. And for many things in life, there will always be a first time for many of us. Many controversies arose simply because of the timings of which our first times occured.

Let's take the age when you learnt to cycle as an example. Imagine yourself as a 25-year old person now who is on a cycling trip with your group of friends whom you have just known. Many would have assumed you as a cyclist simply because you are out there on a cycling trip with them. But what do you think their reponses would be like if you were to tell them that you do not know how to cycle? Human instinct is that you were joking with them because as a 25 years old human being, it seem so impossible that you are a non cyclist, especially when you have agreed to go on a cycling trip!

For many things, when it occur at a right timing many people will keep silent and be glad that you have somehow attempted something new in your life. However, if your first time occurs at the wrong time, I believe that critics will start to comment endlessly. So do always remember to do things at the right time and right place! =)

Despite bringing certain unpleasant matters to light, I still enjoyed my chill out with S6 today! Weeh! You guys are simply the greatest!

I left them early to attend a coaching session for Spelling Bee competition today. Well, the session was certainly interesting and somewhat enjoyable though my energy was drained out in the later part of the session. I have definitely learnt something from that session. All I can say for those who have gave the session a miss is that you guys have missed the opportunity to learn something which may just benefit you in the future in the long run! Hahs.

*I can control my time! And I can make a difference by controlling my time wisely! =) *

-my kind of life-

Sunday, March 12, 2006

My mind seems to have stop thinking about the 'whys' of this world. Or maybe, my mind is spinning around this world so quickly that it just cannot afford to stop and look at the happenings of my surrounding.

Every single second is either work or rest. Thinking has ceased as my favourite and daily activity. And I feel so lost...

No time, no entertainment, no no and more nos!

Hahs. Alright, my grumbling shall end here! And here!

It seems that I am going to disappear in the realm of blogging soon. Somehow and somewhat.

*Going and going..*

-my kind of life-

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I broke my promise not to 'pon' school!!!!!!

Yea, that will be the greatest issue of this year. I do not intend to speak this out loudly but I feel kinda disaapointed with what I have done.

The main reason to my disappearance in schoool yesterday was due to today's Chemistry test. I failed to start my revision on Monday after school because I was trying my best to attempt Tuesday's Chemistry Tutorial. The NMR (Nuclear Magnetic Resonance) Spectroscopy chapter is forcing me to pull out my hair! Hahs. I was just cracking a cold joke! Well, I revised through the topic and did the tutorial (only 2 questions) for 4 hours!

Perhaps that was really what I had to suffer for dozing off in all the NMR lectures over the past 3 weeks since the beginning! I regret it! T_T..

Due to this particular topic, I did not manage to bang on Chemistry revision. Feeling desperate, I decided to give myself a day of 'rest' and made full use of my time. Well, I did study and most importantly, I had a good rest in the afternoon when I took a nap after my revision of all the topics in the morning.

What exactly happened was simply due to a lack of good time management I would say. In the very beginning, I should have started my revision on Saturday as I had challenged myself. However to my disappointment, I spent my whole Saturday afternoon doing my Math tutorial and assignment! And on Sunday, I did the overdued Physics Test 2 at home after asking for a week's rest from Dialect Ministry.

Okie! I am off to do my Math assignment and the overly dued revision exercise which was given to me more than two weeks ago!!! Go Go Go!

*Hope lies not in the hands of the people around us, but the beholder's hands. You own your future not others.*

-my kind of life-

Sunday, March 05, 2006

I finally am able to settle down and read the blog entries of the people around me. It certainly warms up my heart when I read about how my friends are doing in their daily lives!

I read Willy's recent entry and it certainly touches my heart because I know that he has given his best and the fullest attention he can ever provide in writing a wonderful heart to heart entry. Most importantly, he has great courage in displaying his genuine thoughts. In fact, if the chance ever occurs, Ms Lang (our Civics Tutor) should really read the entry and start to understand Willy.

Like Willy, most of our classmates have been feeling down the moment school work is mentioned. Everyone seems to feel so dead and tired upon reaching home daily without even touching the work assigned. To make things worst, teachers do make remarks that stresses us to the extreme. By repeating our under performance level time and time again is no differance from nagging.

Nagging is definitely NOT advicing. Who will ever enjoy listening the nags of a someone? Advices certainly sound much more pleasant and appetizing.

Anyway, no matter what you, you and you (the reader) are going through, I believe that there would have been someone in this world undergoing what you are experiencing. You see, people undergoes such challenges and survived! So can you! Afterall, we are all human beings and we all came from the same creator; God!

In my previous entries, I admit to typing my thoughts out harshly. And somehow I have grabbed the attention of many closed and loved ones around me. I thank all for the love and concern that have been bestowed on me. I am speechless for all the things that you all have done for me.

After typing those entries, and having experienced the endless concern poured onto me, I felt as though I am a vulnerable little girl. There are times where I was dumbfounded when people start to comment that they know that I am very stressed due to my packed schedule and everything. Yes, all of a sudden, I feel kinda useless because I have appeared as someone who has lost management of her time and has made a mess out of everything that was assigned to her.

And that was not what I wanted to convey initially. Please pardon me!

What I did a few days ago on this blog account was perhaps an alternative for me to vent my fustrations over my untouched school work load and lack of time management. And I was not trying to imply to anyone that I would like to sacrifice any of the things that I am currently holding on to.

I love and enjoy what I am doing currently because I know that through what I have contributed, someone has definitely be blessed. This is not over confidence, but rather a sense of assurance which I have deposited in my heart and mind as I conduct my activites.

And I see no need in people trying to encourage me by asking me to give up something that has already been integrated into my life. I understand that these people have given me advices/solutions as a way of showing their concern and even helping me to carry my burden but that is simply not the way I think.

Basically my life revolved around the activites relating to church other than my school connections. So it is definitely common sense that what people around me have been asking to do is to let go of my activites temporary or well..even permanantly if I happen to forget about it in the future.

I want to give my life to my Saviour because He, Jesus Christ, was nailed on the cross some 2000 years ago just to redeem my life and let me reunite with my Father in heaven. Jesus Christ came to earth humbly and shed His precious blood on a cross despite being the Son of our Father in heaven.

If Jesus despite being the Son of God has laid down His precious life for a sinful me in the past, all the more the little me should give up my life willingly for Him... This is my expression of love for Him.

*I will be away for some time before I return back to www.crappi.blogspot.com Hahs*

-my kind of life-

A big No No!

I am not going to be pressed down! Yeap, I confess in the name of my God that I will be strengthen by Him and be able to overcome all things, especially the impossible!

And yes! I am going to have a great day today!

*What a beautiful sunday morning I have!*

-my kind of life-

Friday, March 03, 2006

For once in my life, I actually had 'Friday' blues. I seriously am unable to describe how bad and wrong things can actually be for me today! But thank God I gave sufficient time to calm myself down this morning before I broke down. Woosh! Praise God!

Practically everyone in the class has given the Chinese Tourism Lecture a miss. So here I am, at home taking a rest to refresh myself before returning back to the school to attend a crash course by SCDF. I do hope that I will refresh and renew my mind ASAP before CGM starts tonight! Weeh!

*Time is what I need.*

-my kind of life-

M.I.A

Time is running after me so tightly that I hardly am able to find a moment to rest. Work and more work is coming from the diligent and full of love teachers from JJC who hope that we are able to graspe a better understanding of every single topic/module they are teaching/ have taught. I am seriously feeling the stretch in my life..

My proportionality of elasticity seem so small that I might just break down any moment. I feel the pressure to perform well so as not to disappoint my parents the way I did for my 'O' Levels. I feel the intensity at this moment..

~Speechless~

-my kind of life-