Bright and brighter! Yeah! I am in the season where outstanding colours are surrounding my life!
Slowly but assuredly, I am regaining my form. Well, not my physical form but rather, spiritually and mentally. Picking up the broken pieces of my heart, soul and body was inevitable the moment I decided to stand upon my feet again. The process was tough, mind challenging and nonetheless, a humbling experience for me.
Picking up the pieces is one thing, while fixing it with new materials or even substituting the hopeless powder of the brittle 'glass' is another.
They are two different process in all! Well, think about it.. It is just like you earning money and spending money! Most of us work to get our money..And we will most probably end up spending the money to buy things that fill up the gaps in our lives. In short, those gaps could actually refer to either our personal needs or own desires.
So now, do you get the idea? Hahs.
Iam not afraid to tell everyone that I have just went back into becoming a lump of mold in the Potter's hands. My Potter found a speck of dust in me which destroyed both my outer and inner beauty, that was why He had to remove the dust and get me molding right from the very beginning once again.
It was a humbling experience. For many times, I have always reminded myself to be humble, because humility is the factor to doing well in life. Initially, I would pay my fullest attention to that. However, as time passes by, the exaltation in me got a little far way too high. It was so high that hardly anyone could grab it and pull it down for me! But, I do thank God for Him, for His long and mighty hands..
Getting Him to pull your exaltation was easy, but the process of Him doing it was you was a test of my will. How I would hold on to Him as He pulled me down.
Alright, my eyes are closing.. Nites to all for the itme being! =) -my kind of life-
Saturday, December 10, 2005
I am going to stamp you down! You idiot!
Oops.. Idiot => Satan, e devil.
I will stand up even though I have fallen. And I will not stop getting up onto my feet no matter how many times you have attempted to trip me! -my kind of life-
Thursday, December 08, 2005
I will be ending my work contract soon, and I definitely need some rest. Not only physically, but mentally too.
Attacks are just 'arriving' one after another. And what I seriously felt over the past few days was that my life keep taking the left turns instead of the right one! Hmpf, i.e. wrong turns.
I doubt anyone actually understand how I feel deep inside me. At times, I do really feel out of place though I belong truly to a group of people. Awkwardness and intimidation certainly cripple my heart.
Walking along an endless stretch of valley reflects the situation that I was previously in. For many times, darkness surrounded me, such that I was not shown any ray of light that could direct me. It practically seemed like the end for me; totally lost forever in the realm of darkness.
However, things took a turn after I attended the prayer meeting at Singapore Expo. It was a slow transition, but a powerful one. Even then, I was still attacked by negative thoughts, and also, things which I have never thought of.
Yes, I nearly broke down because I just could not understand why such situations occur to me again and again, without even giving me a break. I felt so low, there was not any difference to me being step and 'crushed' by the so called giants of my life.
Seriously speaking, I need time to digest all that are happening in my life at this moment and also, a few weeks ago. My mind is still revolving many things which I have yet to seek any understanding. No, I do not want to follow after someone whom I do not have any relationship with...
It seemed to be all of a mess but after I prayed to God yesterday, what I personally felt was tht my spirit is catching up. Slowly but assuredly, I will pick it up, but there are many doubts that I want to clear. Many, many, and many more... ...
*My mind..* -my kind of life-
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Not too long ago, I blogged on the issue of me battling with endless challenges of this world non stop. And now, I am beginning to feel the peace of God and the encouragment that He has promised to provide to me as written in the Bible.
Cell group meetings are simply great! Gathering with my cell group to leanr God's word and to praise Him is simply wosh! WONDERFUL!
I must admit that I was totally blown off today after CGM ended. The presence during the meeting was so tangible and I practically felt the warmth of the LORD embracing me tightly!
Yes, I am lost..I am down..I am disappointed by the things of this world. I kept asking myself..why why and more whys endlessly! I just do not get the point why am I always the one doing this and that? And why am I always the one to get scolded at? And why should I be the one carrying the burden for others and to make room for them in my life when I already have so many appointments laid up?
Feeling unreluctant, and unwilling to give in simply made me angry. But I will always remember a verse in Proverbs that says that an angry man is a foolish man! I tried to calm myself down, but to no avail. I prayed to God and asked Him to ease my anger. But it did not help either.
God did not answer my prayers not because He did not hear me asking for Him help. Neither was Him not in the right position to calm me down. But the whole problem, which I realised, lies actually at its root, which is my heart. I can say all that I want, pray all that I want and think to myself that I want to calm down, I do not want to be angry. However, all those thoughts and sayings will never ever come to pass unless I am first, willing to let everything go.
I realise and understand that I am mean what I pray. I must be willing to let go of all my anger, my frustrations and hatreds before God can do anything to me. Friends, it goes the same to as..How can an event takes place in your life unless you first willingly gave access to it?
At the end of the day, the core of everything in life still lies with my heart.
In life, there are many things which we have dreamt of accomplishing/owning it, but..the problem is whether these dreams happen? In life, we are given the liberty to dream all that we want, but in order to let the dreams come into real life, we need to do something to our life. Changes will have to take place in order to make space for the dreams to enter into our lives. But, we must always be careful of what we dream of because, the kind of dreams will lead to the kind of changes we made to ourselves.
Changes that are made solely based on our own desires for our own luxury will slowly lead us to a changed person who might be money minded, selfish, and well, materialistic and etc. Vice versa, if you have a dream that impacts other people's lives positively, you will slowly realise yourself leading a life much more optimistically in order to influence others!
It seems strange that I have actually derived to such a conclusion because all these came instantly to my mind as I typed. All I wanted to write in the first place was to thank God for His wonderful love in my daily life and somehow it leads me to using this generous love of His to love others the way He loves me... -my kind of life-
It is interesting to find out that local news reporters have actually published reports/articles regarding Singapore bloggers again and again. And today I came across an article in Newpaper reporting that Singapore bloggers actually made it to the top by making certain controversial comments and well, photos if you would want to include in their blogs while American bloggers are made famous by publishing posts relating to financials and etc.
How true do you actually find that statement?
Oh well, that was definitely a lousy start of my entry..I am going to publish another new one.. Hahs -my kind of life-
Weekends are finally here and that simply means lYnn cHoo having some time off to take a rest and catch up with her sleep! Hahs
This week has definitely been a challenging week because I have been battling with several thoughts in my mind, even till now.
I need reasonings to help me settle down the doubts that are fighting hard against my heart every moment. Getting distracted over such little things is definitely not my will. I do find it unfair at times and I just keep expecting people to compromise with me, to spare just a little thought for my tiny winny red heart!
I need a rest before I get burnt out by the things of this..sinful world... -my kind of life-
