Sunday, February 20, 2005
reached home nt too long ago. todae's svc was simply great. i do nt know y. but i simply love the presence of gathering wif my cg mates, esp when all of us r in e house of e Lord.
CHC is realli blessed by the presence of God.. the moment svc starts, i could juz feel the entire presence of God fallin onto mi though i was standing outside the auditorium. God is omnipresent. Amen! Serving in dialect church seemed a lil tiring n hectic for mi than usual. simply coz i was wearing slippers(those pp can wear for shoppin yea?) and running all abt e church for e elderly.next i ran across to the market to change $2 notes..than i ran up n down to do my stuff..wosh! though it was super super tiring(plus the hurting pain of my feet), i realli enjoyed myself. e smiles of e elderly n e satisfaction i hav in my life realli brighten my whole life! being together wif my cg mates and church mates realli encourages mi to get into a deeper relationship wif God. wheneva i feel dry in my walk wif God, or when i'm spiritualli lazy, it's my cg mates like felicia, shannon(my cg leader), ray...who help mi to light up my fire for God. In church, pst Kong n Sun realli spur mi on further. it's realli realli great. e job of greeters is v easy. however, i juz feel so nervous n yeap, i hav got no confidence in myself at all! wat is all these coming to? i do nt know y, but nowadaes i juz feel so tired of everythin juz so easy. i no longer appear to b as confident as i used to be. i seem to lose the inner me. every single step i take in my life, i seem to b filled wif doubts. whether it's a correct decision?whether i did it at e rite time?rite place? n etc... Lord, pls guide mi! i seem to find out a few things abt mi tis time round..i nv get nervous when i know ta somethin is abt to happen.i am juz so calm. Howeva, when e thing(eg an event) is abt to happen(let's say..5 mins b4 it all happen)i'll juz start to tremble. wat's wif mi? tell mi!! next, i'm realli an emotional person. i've changed realli alot. i rmb myself as a cold-hearted person in my lower sec daes. however 'emotionaless' i was. now, no no no! i will juz cry ani time.. esp during worship time. i juz feel so weak wheneva i worship to Him. i juz need Him so so so much. i realli cant imagine my life w/o Him.. i will nv know where i'm gg to draw my strength from if i were to leave God.i hate to say tis..but i reali dread gg to sch..it's no longer like b4 when i always look 4ward to it..do i realli hate sajc ta much?or..is it e workload ta's scaring mi?wat is it abt? e sch dismissal hrs?i'm having tests on tues n wed..cant imagine ta..all e topics r chunk together as though everyone wil hav e time to study..as if everyone understand all e stuff..arg!!! tink i've gt quite a bad reputation in sa yea? i'm realli in need to prayers! pls pls pls. pp pls pray for mi! i realli need God to show mi the vision He had planned for mi during tis stage of my life! which jc i shld go? wat i shld do now? i wanna hear from His instructions!
-my kind of life-
